Category Archives: Satire

Important Things You Should Know About Me

My physical beauty can be intimidating. As a consequence I have learned to pose in a manner that photographs in a shorter, wider and more hairless fashion. Musical ignorance often causes the first-time listener to carelessly characterize my singing voice … Continue reading

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A Big Year of Bird-Braining

The Big Year − an ambitious bit of branding avid bird watchers employ to anoint 365 days of their lonely, anal-retentive activity as meaningful by cataloguing every unique bird they see − as opposed to a non-Big Year, during which … Continue reading

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When Breakfast Attacks

The PETC (People for the Ethical Treatment of Cereal) today called for a national boycott of all genetically modified breakfast foods that attempt to engage the consumer in conversations regarding the consumer’s health, nutritional choices or general level of morning … Continue reading

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Secrets of Universe Revealed

A single deceased amateur scientist has been awarded the Noble Prize in Physics this year, for revealing the fundamental limits of the known universe, using a previously discredited theory he created over a half century ago in the Jungle of Nool. … Continue reading

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Clipboard Zombies

They come to protect the environment, they come to end hunger, they come to save the children, eliminate disease and get you right with God,  but mostly − if you are walking down any street in any major American city … Continue reading

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Scourge of Tap Dancing Eliminated at Dawn of 21st Century

Although cautiously optimistic, the Centers for Disease Control today released preliminary data which indicates that tap dancing — once a national scourge that impacted every strata of American society from the lowliest cartoon mouse to the slickest Newport gadabout — … Continue reading

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2011 Census: Legos Outpace Humans by 4,000%

It’s that time of year, when we turn to review the results of one the most fundamental charters of our Constitution and profile ourselves as a household, peering deep into the mirror to see just what we have become.  Our … Continue reading

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Ten Things Television Has Taught Me

10.) Nine out of ten of us will die in a manner requiring a procedurally vague autopsy. The public will generally attend to help direct the Medical Examiner. The tenth person will be either a cyborg or a space alien. … Continue reading

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The People vs. Bruce Wayne

Your honor, ladies and gentleman of the jury, your patience during this trial has been truly remarkable. I will not tax it any further by a long closing statement, but will instead restrict myself to a simple summary of the … Continue reading

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