Secrets of Universe Revealed

A single deceased amateur scientist has been awarded the Noble Prize in Physics this year, for revealing the fundamental limits of the known universe, using a previously discredited theory he created over a half century ago in the Jungle of Nool.

The Nobel Prize

Theodor Seuss Geisel (1904-1991) posited in widely distributed article in 1954 that the outer limits of the universe are determined neither by the universe expanding or contracting nor by dark matter but by the size of the dust spec it resides on, which in turn is situated on a dandelion held by a large elephant named Horton.

Widely derided as “… a slap in the face of quantam mechanics … ” by scientists of the day, Geisel frequently defended his theory by pointing out that Einstein himself introduced into his famous 1917 equation “… a fudge factor as big as an elephant …” used to stabilize the universe against collapse. Geisel’s contention that it was a literal elephant received little support from the physics community for more than five decades.

Subsequent cosmological measurements that occurred early in 2000 revealed that there was a dome-like aspect to the outer limits of the universe, often described as a “dandelion-like in structure” by younger researchers. This struck a chord with many older theoreticians at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, Stanford University and Princeton Institute for Theoretical Physics, among others, all of whom attempted to identify the shape of the gravitation surrounding the dandelion.

It turned out to be elephantine in nature.

Geisel's Horton Effect

Geisel’s theory, now validated by years of independent correlation from the globe’s top research entities and the awarding of the coveted Nobel, has now resulted in a full-scale retreat from the Einstein-era dream of a single final theory of nature and the assumption that there is only a single universe capable of supporting life. Speculation has already begun on what Horton himself may be sitting on.

Peter T. Hooper will accept the Nobel on behalf of Geisel

Accepting the award on behalf of the deceased Geisel will be long-time family friend Peter T. Hooper.

“This is the most startling discovery in physics since I have been in the field,” said Vlad Vladikoff, one-time vitriolic critic of Geisel’s theory and now an enthusiastic convert. “But that’s how science works. Yesterday’s hokum is today’s reality. I only wish Ted were here to see  it.”

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